It could easily have been Jon Bon Jovi against Axl Rose, or Hetfield vs Mustaine. I assured my editor that a Bon Jovi and Hetfield rivalry was more interesting. I told him that Bon Jovi would’ve kicked Axl’s ass anyway.

“You don’t know what you’re talking about,” he said. “Axl’s the real deal, Bon Jovi’s just a wanna-be hairdresser from New Jersey! You’re fired!”

I told him look closely at who’s still making records and touring after 23 years, with the same bandmates while making a bunch of movies on the side. That he should put Axl against the guy from Extreme or Mr.Big. I mean, where are they now?

“Don’t waste my time. Do the Hetfield-Bon Jovi thing. I’ll be in my office.”

So, it’s Bon Jovi and James Hetfield. You see, it’s a sort of a music celebrity death match without the ring. We’ll try to analyze the qualities that make one musician better than another. To make it more interesting, we’ll put them in some fictional scenarios. Makes it more fun, I promise you. I would love to go through this with you, but let me do the talking for now.

ROUND 3: THE MUSIC
Hetfield grew up dreaming of forming a band as big as Aerosmith, Iron Maiden and Black Sabbath. This year, Metallica was inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, taking Hetfield amongst the league of his idols. Meanwhile, Jon Bon Jovi is still being voted the sexiest male artist in music. 

Jon’s music career had been plagued by harsh criticism. Like his sold-out concerts, his music is also being labeled as such. In my opinion, anyone who’s been listening to music since the 80s and not liked Bon Jovi is a hypocrite.

Jon Bon Jovi and James Hetfield die and must face a final interview before being allowed to enter the place where musicians go to play for eternity - Rock n Roll Heaven.

James Hetfield faces a robed man holding a large tome entitled “The Big Book of Rockstars.” The robed man says, “James Allan Hetfield, what have you accomplished in the annals of Rock n Roll history?” To which Hetfield replied, “I founded Metallica, the biggest metal act in history. We influenced countless others to pick up the guitar and form a band. Also, I kicked out Mustaine to which he was able to form Megadeth, they sold millions but not as much as we did.”

The robed man says, “You are worthy. You may enter, and on your way, would you kindly sign my Death Magnetic CD?”

Now, Jon Bon Jovi faces the robed man and is asked the same question. “John Francis Bongiovi, Jr., what have you accomplished in the annals of Rock n Roll history?” Bon Jovi says, “I sold millions of records. I packed stadiums like sardine cans!” The robed man replied, “You were also responsible for destroying the ozone layer with your hairsprays! You may not enter!” Bon Jovi is furious, “Are you kidding? I’m Jon Bon Jovi! Look, you even have the Ramones in there. I mean, three chords? C’mon, man!” 

Two breakthrough albums, Bon Jovi’s “Slippery When Wet” and “Master of Puppets” were released the same year—1986. “Slippery” was the top selling album of the year and I was one of the millions who overplayed it in my cassette player. I wasn’t aware of Metallica then. It seemed that the natural progression after classic rock was glam metal. When “…And Justice For All” began appearing on t-shirts, Metallica even replaced the posters. James and his gang ushered in a new era of heavy metal.

Advantage: Hetfield.

MY TOP 5 BON JOVI SONGS: 1) Livin on a Prayer  2)You Give Love a Bad Name  3) Keep the Faith  4) Blaze of Glory  5) I’ll Be There for You

MY TOP 5 METALLICA SONGS: 1) Enter Sandman  2) Master of Puppets  3) Seek & Destroy  4) Fade to Black  5) For Whom the Bell Tolls